It won’t leave me alone!

This drawing is probably the best I can illustrate what I often feel, a dark presence behind my back. It breathes on my neck and whispers negative thoughts, which sometimes come as images and scenes. It fogs my mind and paralyzes me, giving me shivers and goosebumps.

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Psalm 130

I feel hopeless and in despair, this morning, facing a new day full of sorrow. I call for your help, Lord. Hear my cry, and pay attention to my blog. I am counting on you, Jesus. Yes, I’m counting on you; I have put my hope in your word. I long for you like a soldier stationed to keep guard longs for the dawn. Yes, more than soldiers long for the dawn.

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A self esteem exercise

A dear friend (shared with permission) sent this to me a few minutes ago:

“We all love you, Josue, and God loves you. And you should love yourself. Give yourself a gentle hug and say out loud, “You are amazing, Josué! You are strong and brave for battling this illness! And you have such a kind and loving heart! You are awesome! No wonder your wife and daughters love you so. God has given you the gift of empathy. It is a heavy burden to bear, but you have helped many people through your ministry! Keep going, buddy! You are doing great! You are incredibly strong…”

Let’s experiment together, shall we? Why don’t you reread it but replace my name with yours this time? Let’s all exercise some well-needed self-love!

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So what?

I’m fat. I knew that for a fact, but now that the beard is gone, the double (triple?) chin can hide no more. Does it make me less of a person? Not at all. But I wish I were slimmer.

Luckily, there are no health problems related to being overweight besides the strain on my mental health. Furthermore, many medications I take daily include weight gain in their extensive side effects list, so I don’t feel guilty about the number on the scale.

The question is, will I ever accept my body in its current estate? I accept others; why can’t I accept mine?

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Josué Sánchez

Josué Sánchez

256 Followers

I rather be excluded for who I include, than included for who I exclude // co-founder of empathy.cafe